It feels like it is truly the end of an era.
Shadow, our big black dog that we've had since she was about 6 months old, when she adopted us (yes, she picked us out, and kept coming back till we just had to keep her), was put down yesterday.
She's Tom's dog now, so he was the one to make the decision, and it was the right decision I think... Shad's had been diagnosed with cancer about a month ago, she'd stopped eating, and had been just going downhill, so we took her to the vet and they said that she had cancer in her lymph nodes, and that her kidneys were failing. She may have had cancer in other parts of her body, we don't know how far along it was.... but we knew we could have as little as a week, or as much as a couple months.
They gave her some meds, and we got some meds together here (including some of my old stomach meds! I was glad to be able to help her with those), and we managed her pain. THey settled her stomach so she could keep eating, they numbed any of the pain she was feeling, and she was right back to gobbling down any food in her path (compulsive and emotional and bored eating seem to not pay attention to if your a human or a dog). She would go for walks with us, I'd often be the one to walk her, and she enjoyed those -- though she wouldn't tug at the leash so much that you thought she'd pull our arm off, and she didn't bark and lunge at every person and animal that crossed our path. Subtle reminders that she was still sick.
On Saturday she started to slow down, she wasn't able to get any food into her in the morning... and by the time i got home (from a RISK tournament that will be a later entry), she didn't even get up to say hello. THis from the dog that would bark and wag her tail like mad if some kids dared to ride their bikes in the cul-de-sac in front of our house. She was always there to greet you, and if you had food, she'd even try to jump up and give you a hug.. or at least grab the food from your hands. She just laid there, even her tail not thumping on the floor. I was sad to see, and I knew that she probably didn't have much longer. I gave her some love, and Tom came home (she was his dog), and gave her some good cuddles.
Sunday Julia called me to let me know that Tom had decided to have Shadow put down. It was the right decision, and I knew it was coming, but it still pulled at my heart. I had to step out for a minute and have a quick cry -- but I was working so I had to shuffle it away and pay attention to what I was doing. Thankfully I was working with kids, and thankfully they were kids who love to give hugs.
It's sinking in now, slower, that she is gone. The house is eerily quiet, with no barking at nothingness (without Shadow to instigate the other dogs seem to not care to bark), no dog demanding my attention, licking my feet (which she would always do when she wanted you to pay attention), or pushing toys at me.
Shadow first got us when I was a senior in high school. She ran away from her home and came to us, and when we returned her she came back.. Again and again, untill Dad finally told the owners that if they couldn't keep their dog in their yard then we would keep her. I used to wonder at things with this. I knew the owners paid little attention to her, kept her locked up in their backyard... but I always wondered how Shadow got out. But I don't wonder at that anymore. In this past month she has been determined to be near where the people are. Long ago she'd learned how to leverage in the shallow opening of the (blocked up) cat door to the garage in order to open that door when she wanted to get in or out. She'd figured out how to get edibles off of seemingly more and more impossible surfaces around the house -- but this last month she also learned how to break through ANY barricade we set up between the dinning room and the kitchen. Dan finally put something across the space between the living room and hall that she could not move, and that she could no longer jump over, which kept her from getting upstairs, but she continued to be creative. She learned how to prop something against the foot pedal of our trash can in order to pop open the lid and get at whatever garbage we may have put in there. She managed to find a way to CLIMB up on my mom's tall desk to retrieve the box of dog treats that were being stored up there. If she had another week, I am pretty sure she would ahve figured out how to open the front of the desk to get at that hiding place, and to operate the door handle to the hall.
Shadow was a sweetheart. Mischevious, stubborn, and protective. It's strange to be in this house now, without her here. Things are quiet, it feels emptier, and slowly I am realizing more and more things that I am going to miss about her. I'm trying to keep reminding myself, though, of how miserable she was in that last day, and how she is now at peace.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}